Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
