We're like a lot better than the average bears
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
