I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
