He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
