Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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