I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
