I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize