At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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