i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
