I cut my penus on the lid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize