apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
