The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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