If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
