I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
