all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
