it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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