My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize