my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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