those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
