i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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