whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
no, he came in my armpit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
