he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
