What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
