PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
