You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
