Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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