We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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