I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
