ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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