he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
