your room smells of hookers.
And success
My Higher Power is John Stamos
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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