I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Farmville is her only friend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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