So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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