What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
