need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Houston, we have a squirter
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
