I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
