well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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