im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
