from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i drank out of a bidet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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