Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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