I cannot find my penis.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
