I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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