I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
