Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
