so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
