I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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