Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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