Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
