I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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