: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
