Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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