I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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