Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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