I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
