she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
