I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
