I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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