why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
