absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize