Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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