Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
