I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The power of my boobs compel you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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