Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
