Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
