the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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