I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
