She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
